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.." It had been a long car ride to reach that place, a long time for Lauren to be alone with her thoughts, to imagine all the terrible punishments that would be inflicted on her. She had a long time to prepare herself, to shut herself down and disassociate, to make herself hard and cold and heavy like a stone, that whatever torments they had planned for her would just flow over her like a river. She was completely caught off guard by such child-like vulnerability, and the stone split as a sprouting seed. She scurried up to Apis and cradled his head in her hands. "Of course you're a good boy! Look at you, you're so strong and handsome, how could anyone not be so proud of such a good boy? Come on, don't be sad," she wiped his tears with her thumb while she ruffled his hair, "Of course you're a good boy!" He looked up at her as if she were a fireworks display, like some catastrophic scheduling error had put Chinese New Year on the 4th of July and Lauren's face was a night sky blooming. ’ Her thick accent blurred the words into a hurried jumble. Jolen looked even more serious and withdrew his hand. Her cheek felt cold and her stomach clenched, but she continued. ‘It were ma’ people…da tribe we was fightin’…dey is ma people. I-I…I’m na’ one o’ them na’ longa’. But I couldn’a fight an’ kill them…is why I left.’ She squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her voice to a murmur, ‘I was afraid… those battles were vera’ fierce…any hesitation on ma’ part…coulda’ cost any one o’ us a’ lives.’ She prayed he would understand, this man who could be so hard and yet so gentle, so loving and so unforgiving. She knew he was her life and she feared it. ‘How many more died because you left my side, Adianna?’ There it was, no easy forgiveness. She felt nausea creep through her stomach, serving to remind her of the other secret she was even now keeping from him…but it was not the time for this. What could she have done? Stayed and fought…what had happened to all the hatred she once held.
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